The RealityCHECK Series: How Much Wedding Can You Get For $$$$?

This blog topic has been a LONG time coming. And the following dialogue is why: 

Me: "So....what have you and your fiance' discussed as far as wedding budgets/parameters/spending is concerned?"

Prospective Client:  "Um...we're looking at $10,000"

Me:  "And that's for how many guests and it will include?"

Prospective Client: "oh, 300 guests.  And we'd like to have sit-down dinner, open bar with specialty drinks, lighting, over-the-top florals, rental linen, custom cake, live band & D.J., engraved invitations and 3 limos."

Me:  **Blank Stare**

I'm not joking.  Not in the least.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've had couples sit in my studio and pretty much have that EXACT conversation with me..word for word.  And yes - I have given them the "blank stare".   Once I compose myself (trust me, it only takes a couple of seconds), the harsh reality of it all sets in and I take on a new role as EDUCATOR.  There's a real bottom line here:  Most people have no idea what a wedding really COSTS simply because they've never had to put one together nor do they have any concept of what market pricing looks like.  It really is that simple.

So.....I'm going to spend the next few blog posts giving you the "skinny" on costs.  I'll keep it really straightforward, no sugar coating or "lip glossing" - because that's not going to help things at all.  In order to have a wedding, well - at least one that's not at the courthouse or JOP's office, you have to shell out some dollars.  The amount of $$$$$ you cough up are highly dependent on a few factors such as:
Location (geographics)
Time of year (yes....January is less expensive than June)
Number of guests (75 guests can be easier on your wallet than 400!)
Time of day (I know - not everyone is an "early bird..but it can help you save $$$!)
Your level of "realism" (what you want vs. what you can AFFORD)

The media and the Internet have truly contributed to this phenomenon.  And I mean that honestly.  You see all of the lovely gorgeousness splashed over the pages of magazines, on websites, in blogs, on television and of course, you WANT it for your big day.  But um...there's this little thing called money which has to come into play.  With the exception of a couple of "outlets"...you're not told how MUCH that eye candy costs.  So you "assume" that your dollars can cover it.  That's your first mistake. 

Wedding planning professionals such as myself, can and SHOULD school you really quick on what's doable and more importantly, what isn't.  Because we work so closely with other service providers in the industry, we can give you the "run down" on approximate dollar amounts because we see them every day.  And you need to listen.  Carefully.  Please.  Trust me.

What ever dollar amount is sitting in your bank account or checkbook for this occasion - well, it's what you have.  You can do a great wedding on any amount, as long as you are CLEAR about what said money is going to get you.  That goes back to the realism factor I mentioned earlier.....it is what it is.  If all you have is $10k..well, that means all you have is ten thousand dollars.  And it's only going to go so far.  Remember the "conversation" I had with the client?  Yeah....$10k was NOT a reasonable thought process.  And I told them so.....

Stay tuned for the rest of the series.  I welcome your comments and thoughts....this is a ripe area for discussion, not only from industry professionals, but consumers also.  The best clients (for me) are educated ones........

The Morning After.............

There's got to be a morning after
If we can hold on through the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine
Let's keep on looking for the light...

Singer Maureen McGovern released "The Morning After" in 1973 and it's always been one of my favorites {guess that tells you how old I am, right?}.  And after all of the buzz and hoopla that has commonly become known as Valentine's Day, I thought the lyrics were perfectly fitting. 

On yesterday, a bunch of people asked "Will You Marry Me" and an equal amount replied "YES!". The sheer excitement and glow of that moment is one that should be treasured and savored for a minute, simply because you won't get it again.  And since I'm a practical romantic -  I feel the need to poke my head in for a second and give you this advice:  WAIT FOR IT.

And I mean that literally - WAIT for the "edge" to come off and for your breathing to return to normal levels.  Do NOT start the wedding planning process yet..trust me.  Shoot - this post I penned right after the holidays says it better.  Read it..and you'll see what I mean :)

SN {side note}:  The art of love is a 24/7, 365 kinda thing.  So learn to share it EVERY day..don't wait for February 14th to display that emotion..............   

Requiem For A Wedding - The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Planning

First up in my "composition": THE PLANNING.  Or lack thereof.  Let's have some "real talk" - shall we?

I am a wedding planner.  A professional one who prides herself on the skill set I possess.  One said "skill" is the fine art of actually pulling together the framework, nuts, bolts and all of the other "pieces" needed to make a wedding celebration gorgeous AND efficiently successful.  In watching the episodes over the season, Cynthia said that she had a wedding planner.  She also said she had a "stylist" on board to make sure the "look" of the wedding was fabulous.  *crickets*.  {side eye}.

Wedding planners are tasked with the job of doing the HARD work - in concert with our clients, we make sure that mailings are on time, vendors are in place, fittings are done, MARRIAGE LICENSES obtained and given to the correct parties BEFORE the wedding...you know, stuff like that.  We also in many cases, create a budget and help our clients stick to it.  So if there are looming financial issues that may threaten the overall success of the event, we can be on top of things and offer creative, sound solutions.  Now...understand that television can "show" a lot of things...usually crafted to err on the side of drama versus real life.  But I'm here to tell you - producers can only EDIT what you GIVE them.  In other words, if there's "shiggety" {yes- one of my favorite colloquialisms to use!} is afoot - they're gonna catch it and film it for all of the world to see!  And that's exactly what happened here.

A wedding planner (independent - not the caterer) and a stylist are two separate and distinct individuals who can work together, but do not perform the same JOB.  I kept asking myself as the season unfolded - where is the wedding planner??  For those of us who make this our profession, we were shaking our heads, simply because we knew daggone well that much of what we saw would NOT happen on our watch.  No sir...and no ma'am!!!   And perhaps that is why a lot of the "technical difficulties" occurred in the manner they were shown..because there were "too many cooks in the kitchen" or as my Nana would say, "All chiefs - no Indians".

The wedding planner is the head honcho, the general, the commander of the "troops".  If Cynthia had hired an independent planning professional, one whose sole task was to orchestrate and carefully craft that shindig from start to finish - I can assure you that a lot of that foolery we witnessed would not have happened.  This is WHY you hire a planner.  You hire a planner so that you won't have childish chicken scratch plastered to the walls of your kitchen on your wedding day.  You hire a planner so that when your budget goes BUST, they can help you formulate a Plan B or even guide you through the postponement process. You hire a planner so that you are NOT getting a final fitting on your gown hours before you walk down the aisle.  You hire a planner to make sure that everyone has their attire and are not considering a run to Target for bridemaid's dresses.  In short - that's what we do.  We put out fires and keep an eye out for other smoldering embers so your day doesn't go up in flames.

Her team of "planners" were not on the same page - that was painfully evident.  I'll say this much - watching Cynthia & Peter's wedding unfold made me so appreciative of my colleagues in this business AND the couples who entrust their special day to us.  You cannot place a value on peace of mind, knowing that everything will go as you planned and crazy "ish {'ish is another one of my fave vernacular terms} won't pop off.  As we say in social media land - I was "SMH" {shaking my head} during the whole episode.  And judging from all of the commentary I saw on Facebook and Twitter - I wasn't the only one.  The pros who are in the trenches every day know what a trainwreck looks like....it was a sad commentary to watch this event jump the track............

photo credit: Weekly Life & Style Magazine

Requiem For A Wedding - Real Houswives Of Atlanta Version

Ah.....Cynthia & Peter's nuptials.  Where do I start?  No, seriously - where do I begin?  If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter {I sure hope you do!}, then you'll know that I'm a fan of the saga known as The Real Housewives Of Atlanta.  The season finale on Sunday evening was the "reveal" of model Cynthia Bailey and her fiance', businessman Peter Thomas' wedding at the Fernbank Museum in the ATL.  It's safe to say {and I'd be willing to wager some money on this statement} that wedding planning professionals across the country were "clutching their pearls", having attacks of "the vapors" and generally shaking their heads as we watched the event unfold.

We were all doing the "armchair quaterback" thing....it's what we do.  It's the nature of the beast.  So when images of timelines and to do lists, scribbled on sheets of paper and clumsily tacked onto a wall behind the bride-to-be were shown on camera....the first words out of my mouth were:  "Are you KIDDING me??".  I know I wasn't the only one.  From a dress being "fitted" a couple of hours PRIOR to the ceremony, to wedding bands not being purchased, finding $3000 for the bar, not having bridesmaid's dresses, a MOB and SOB straight up "hiding" the marriage license...oh, yes - we had the makings of pure comedy and foolisness.

So...over this week, I'm going to delve into aspects of this wedding to do a "case study" of sorts and let me be clear:  I wish them the best.  But when you put your business on national television - it does open up the gates of  **side eye** and other types of "commentary.  I'm going to do my level best to be fair..and show you WHY things went wrong {based on what we saw in that episode}.  I'm also going to be brutally honest, because I think it's important that EVERYONE, professional & consumer alike - understand that the notion of planning a wedding isn't for the faint of heart.....

Stay tuned.....

photo credit: Bravo Television

Being Married....Is A Process

As a wedding planner, I see couples all of the time who are about to take the proverbial "leap into da' land of matrimony".  For some people - it's one of the most serious committments they'll ever make.  That's how it should be - saying "I DO' is a big daggone deal and regrettably, a lot of folks don't see it that way. 

I'm a big fan of "relationship help", since there is no MANUAL that can be given to you on your wedding day that says, "here's how to be married".  But, there's premarital counseling {which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND} and there are programs like the "Art of Marriage" which can help brides & grooms understand, connect and grow together in their relationship.  My friend and industry colleague, Pastor Ken Patterson, Lead Minister at Grace International Church and creator of The Maryland Wedding Officiant is hosting this two day workshop on February 11th & 12th, which allows couples to learn more about the fine "brushstrokes" needed to paint the beautiful picture that is marriage.  This video-based event brings together some of the most respected pastors and experts on marriage and family all in one setting. It also brings a fresh approach to a video event by weaving together some of the following elements to help couples fully experience God’s design for marriage:
engaging stories
real-life testimonies
man-on-the-street interviews
humorous vignettes

The Art of Marriage consists of six video sessions and an accompanying manual that provides couples with projects to help apply the principles taught during each session. The manual is also designed for couples to use after the event by offering articles, date night ideas, and useful tips for continuing to strengthen their marriage.

At $79 per couple - it's a great investment in the health & strength of your relationship.  All materials
are included as well as a catered breakfast & lunch on Saturday.  You can get more details at Grace's website as well as register for the event. 

I look at it this way - people spend a LOT of money on the "trappings" of getting hitched..so why not INVEST in the overall success of your marriage from the jump?  Take the time and exert the effort into the WORK of being married...just don't give it "lip servce". 

You'll thank me later.....I promise.

Got ETHICS?

I'm not even sure how this post will "evolve", so I'm just going to put my "thoughts" out there......

I've been in the wedding planning industry since 1993.  That's 18 years worth of blood, sweat and tears that have been devoted to discovering, learning and honing my "craft."  And yes - the road has been amazing as well as rough.  I came into the business at a time when wedding planners were just starting to "catch on" and the public could see what a real asset we are.  During these years, I've watched people come and go - almost revolving-door like in it's intensity, but that is the nature of the beast.  Someone told them that being a wedding planning was "super fun", "glamourous" and the best one of all - "you can get rich"!  Once they got on the job, they discovered real quick that while indeed, the industry is wonderful..the work of the planner is exceedingly HARD.

In observing the "revolving door" phenomenon, I've noticed that there are a lot of people, spinning through, who have absolutely not one iota of ethical behavior.  NONE.  These are the folks who will do anything to "get a sale" {including slitting your throat if they have to}, these are the folks for whom the term "my word is my bond" does not exist in their limited world view, these are the folks that play the "copycat" game to the hilt, because they have not once ounce of originality {which is KEY to being a success in this business} residing in their core, these are the people who just don't GET IT.

Perhaps you've met one of them in your travels...you know who they are when you meet them.  They talk a great game but regrettably, can't back it up.  They want to suck you dry like a vampire - inhaling all of the knowledge you have, so they can greedily transfuse it into themselves. They will do anything, say anything, become anything...just to get over.  That is so damn sad.  Really.

The wedding business is not a shell game where you can rapidly move the "nuts", thereby forcing your "mark" to guess where the prize is.  We are talking about an event, a milestone occasion that for many people, really does only occur once in their lifetimes.  Our job as purveyors and producers is to ensure that all is flawless and well executed, so that our client's memories are wonderful and everlasting.  Nobody has time for foolishness or for people who cannot be trusted as far as you can throw them.

So I'm saying {because it doesn't appear that any one else will!} - STOP THE MADNESS!  Be about your business..be honest in your dealing with others, stop trying to "con" people, cease the lying about what you've done {the truth will come out eventually}, stop name-dropping {because no one cares - only you do}, in short..commit to being the BEST you can be, within your scope.  Get some ETHICS, will ya?  Grow a backbone and be an ASSET to the industry...not a fungus that grows between it's toes.......

Paying For Your Wedding

I have a confession to make - I absolutely love the reality tv megaseries known as "The Real Housewives Of Atlanta".  It's my guilty pleasure and judging from my social media comrades on Facebook & Twitter, they can't get enough either!!  Talk about shiggadashery and shiggity (yes, I have a propensity for making up words - don't judge me!) at it's finest - this show has it in spades.

Last night's episode continued the saga of  "supermodel" Cynthia and her supper-club owning fiance', Peter, as they head down the road towards matrimony.  Their journey has been fraught with anger, disagreements, money issues, with the smooth-as-silk-fine-as-wine actor and author Hill Harper even coming on to help them "mediate" (to no avail...in my opinion).  Well - last night, Peter dropped the shoe off his other foot...wait for it...wait for it....and told our bride-to-be that because of "financial issues", he officially CLOSED his business.  Yep - you heard me.  Closed it down.  Shut the doors.  Nothing to see here, folks - let's keep it moving.

Cynthia's response was not unexpected - she lost her mind.  She's been "dreaming" of this wedding and "it's all she had", especially since their relationship was most definitely "strained".  Peter was quite honest in saying that the lavish nuptial shindig she and her sister HAD been planning would more than likely not be able to happen, but (and here's the crazy part), he suggested that she "go and assume like it would".  **blank stare**.

Ok...time for me to shut this nonsense DOWN.  According to Peter and Cynthia, there was an extra $20,000 needed to finish paying for the wedding festivities.  I'm just going to put it out there - POOR PLANNING.  Period.  As a professional planner, I've got clients who come to me with all sort of "financial situations" - but it's my job to work with them and be the one willing to give em' a reality check in the BEGINNING.  Weddings cost money (that's a whole separate topic I'll be covering later) and as such, you need to be on the same page when it comes to shelling out the money for this event.  I know - stuff looks AMAZING when you see it on television, in the magazines, on displays in the store...but you have to be practical with the situation in general.  If you know that your finances are tanking - DON'T PLAN A HUGE WEDDING.  Appearances mean nothing - especially when you can't fund them. 

And before anyone comes back with the snappy retort of "stuff happens", let me clue you in right now:  I know that.  I've had it happen to clients where one of them got laid off or something else occured that changed the "picture".  But because we were prudent - those things didn't completely blow their event out of the water.  A couple of people decided to postpone their wedding until their financial footing was better - and I totally respected that move. Others scaled back on their plans and relied on my know-how to give them something wonderful to remember, within their new budget.  That's what I do - my job is to make it work..but in order for that to happen, you have to be upfront and honest.

People talk a good talk...but the proof is in the pudding.  Judging from what is shown on the series, it's not like Peter & Cynthia didn't KNOW there was trouble afoot with the supper club.  They did.  And if that's where the funding was coming from, it would have been in their best interest to rethink their celebration.  The economy, while rebounding slowly, is still erratic and mercurial - you have to be cautious and smart.  I always advise potential clients to be extremely realistic about how their event will be paid for and to have backup plans in place "just in case".  Life and it's situations can be extremely fickle...weddings are no exception.

I always tell people that money can be wonderful or a downfall.  It all depends on how you manage it.  For as much as I love a good wedding...I respect it more when a couple starts out on the right foot - able to live after the "I Do's" have been said.  Life starts the next day after the marriage license has been signed - I give you the first "24" to revel in the glow..after that, get ready for the real deal.  But if you are backed into a corner because of trying to finance a "blowout baller party" for everyone else, you're going to end up fighting like rats (amongst yourselves) to get out......

Why I Cost So MUCH - The Remix

I'm thoroughly pleased with the response and feedback I received on "Why I Cost So MUCH" - my goal in penning that post was to spark dialogue amongst my fellow industry professionals and to get people THINKING!!!

After chatting with a few folks online and by the good ole' telly..something else came to mind that made me realize I wasn't finished with this topic - not by a long shot!  So, "Why I Cost So MUCH" now has a "remix".  Truth be told - I love it when a song gets the "remix" by a hot shot producer who knows how to amp the music and lyrics up so all you wanna do is dance!  While I may not be a music producer - I do know how to "push buttons"..and my fingers are ready for this one!!

My last post kinda skimmed over the reasons why my fees and prices aren't $500 ( I shudder to think there are still people charging that amount for FULL SERVCE PLANNING, but I digress..), the "REMIX" is about the personal, hard facts:  I run a business and I have a family to support.  Bottom line.

I'm not in the wedding planning business because it's a fun "hobby" - au contraire..I am a business woman who is out here getting her proverbial hustle ON.  This is my "9 to 5"....this IS my livelihood.  And as such, I've based my fees on factors such as experience, skill, acumen, education and a little something called "profit"....you may have heard of this notion - it's why businesses are in business! 

I have expenses related to my business (that studio of mine has a rent payment due the 1st of each month), I have staffing costs, I have professional costs that come with being a part of this industry..and I also have Visa, a car note, health & life insurance, two kids, an ailing grandmother, a house and a family of cats to feed.  In short, I have a life....just like you.  And this life requires money in order to live it.  I'm not independently wealthy and I can't live off my ascerbic wit.  Maintaining requires dollars..which is why I work.

So..when I say that your fee for services will be $$$$, I'm not talking out of the side of my neck.  It's not an arbitrary number I just came up with...nope, I've told you what I know to be true.  I totally get that some people like to "negotiate", but whoever said that "everything is negotiable" was delusional.  It's not.  You have to pay for what you want.  Good people, excellent people, smart people, stellar people...we cost money.  For a reason.  We're good, excellent, smart & stellar...we are at the top of our game and we know how to get results.  Period.  Would you try to negotiate the fee with your surgeon if you needed work done?  Of course not...you are coming to him/her for their EXPERTISE, therefore - you pay.  So why is it any different  when it comes to paying your wedding professionals what they deserve?  Hmmmmm?????

To add in another flavor to the remix....please also know that when you don't pay me on time - my life still continues.  And the aforementioned Visa, car finance company and landlord still want their money  - from me.  When you bounce a check....the bank will charge me.  And I will charge you.  In effect, you've breached your contract...non payment means that I can walk away or put your event on the shelf until you ante up.  Depending on where you are in the process..that can be a dangerous situation.  Allow me to put it into simple, laymen's terms:  It's payday at your place of employment.  You get your check or advice of deposit, open it up...and there's nothing there.  Or....it's short a few hundred dollars.  What are you going to do?  Oh, I know EXACTLY what will happen - you're gonna march right on down to payroll and give them the "business" about YOUR money.  And you're going to ask your boss "What's up with this - where's my money?"  You know I'm right....you will be HEATED until this is resolved.  Guess what - that's how we feel as professionals when you don't pay us as agreed upon.  Take a moment to digest that.

And for my colleagues and peers in the industry....I'm not letting you off the hook.  You have a responsibility to be unwaveringly clear about your pricing and your policies.  It is what it is.  Stop devaluing your worth, your credibility and your ART by not pricing your services as they should be.  The word "NO' is not a four-letter one, it's not foul...it is the truth.  Learn how to say it more often and when needed.  Every client isn't for you and they are probably better suited for someone else. Let them GO...trust me, someone else will come along who understands and appreciate what you bring to the table without all of the truly unecessary drama and tribulation .   

This is a two-way street. The public needs to undestand that we're not some cheap date...while the industry has go to get a grip on solidifying and clearly enunciating who they are and what they cost.  Now that's a marriage made in heaven........

(See these two? These are my "babies" and my main impetus for being a success......they're also quite expensive, which is one of the reasons I don't work for free..)

I AM????????

This year - I have decided to go ahead and let my "real voice" speak to all of you.  If you've ever met me in person, you'll notice that I am very down-to-earth, I don't do fantasy, I call things the way I see them, I'm quick with a humorous quip and I'm always smiling.  That's my authentic self - "straight shot/no chaser"  so since the whole idea behind this blog was to allow me the opportunity to give my own "musings" on how I see things regarding the industry, I figure I might as well go full throttle.

With that being said, in 2011 you're going to see a lot more "commentary" - I believe that speaking your mind is the best way to encourage intelligent, potent dialogue with your peers and those around you.  Let me be the first to say that I LOVE WEDDINGS.  I love the magic that surrounds them and the fact that it is one of life's "milestone moments".  I love engaging with brides and grooms, carefully discovering what makes their love "tick", then taking that revelation and creating a celebration that wonderfully showcases it to the world around them.  On the other hand..it is what it is.  I refuse to sit here and write about how "fabulous" everything is when the reality is simple.  This stuff is hard work.  I don't care how much Dupioni silk you throw on it...in order to have a successful celebration, you gotta do the process and do it well.  That goes for the couple getting hitched AND the people "behind the scenes" who make it happen.

The title of today's post, "I AM??" harkens to my observation process, which is always in warp mode.  I make my living by watching life happen around me, so over the years - this particular question has always fascinated me as I look at those around me in the industry.  What I am about to say in the next few paragraphs is going to evoke a couple of different reactions from those who read it.  You're either: A) Gonna LOVE every syllable and say "PREACH"!  or  B) You are going to think I have lost my mind.  For me, it doesn't matter.  It's the truth - and on many, many occasions..hearing the facts as they really are can be stinging, to say the least.  I see it as an opportunity to absorb, learn and move forward towards being better....

I AM a creative person.  For me, being the wedding planner has been one of the BEST outlets to showcase how my mind works and the sheer wonder of watching my thoughts play out into action.  I think in terms of color, shape, light, shadow, logistics, numbers - in short, I meld the creative process with the hard reality of thinking to mold someone's vision into an EXPERIENCE.  Over the years, all of that creativity and rational thinking have led to other "talents" which I've been able to grow and define.  They are all symbiotic to my main role and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have discovered and  honed those skills.

Here's the "rub" - I really believe that as individuals, we are all destined to do a series of "things".  But there will be ONE trait, one talent, one skill, that will stand out and shine above the rest.  That "component" is our calling, it is the area where we will excel the most.  It will be the talent that appears to be effortless, we don't even have to think about how we do it...it just gets done.  Now, here's where I drop the shoe off of the other foot..wait for it...wait for it.....

YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.    I'll repeat that:  YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.   In the wedding industry, the saying "jack of all trades, master of none" is so evident.   For some odd reason, people are thinking that they can take on a myriad of functions and do them all well.  Well, guess what?  You can't.  There - I said it.  Somebody had to.   Let's get real - you can't be the wedding planner/florist/caterer/limousine service/dj/stationer....all rolled into one being or entity.  All of those capacities require separate skill sets and their relevance needs to be taken into consideration.  There are only 24 hours in a day and most of us are struggling to get by on just those, so it's simply amazing to me when I see situations like these emerge. 

As the wedding planner, I really think that people somehow feel my job is easy.  It's NOT.  Trust me.  And because I make it seem "effortless", they think that it can be added on to whatever they already do (hence my multi-task description in the previous paragraph) and it will generate more money/business for them.  As Ed Lover would say, "C'mon SON!!"  Pardon my slip into the vernacular - but it ain't gonna happen. At some point, something is going to suffer - you can't do 50 million things well.  And with the "suffering" comes a reduction in standards, a loss of creativity and you're nothing more than a hamster on a wheel.  You're running...but going absolutely nowhere.

Want to be successful in this industry?  Know who you ARE.  Understand your strengths AND weaknesses, then make the most of them.  Can you bake like nobody's business?  Great - be a baker!!  Does your food make people just smile for days on end?  Catering is your thing!  When you spin those tunes or ripple your fingers across a keyboard, does it make people want to get up and dance?  You, my friend, are the entertainer.  Bottom line is this:  It's time for people to start being the best at what they are and STOP being greedy.  I know multiple streams of revenue are always key to staying in the black, but when you do too much, your "painting" will be a scribbled, jumbled mess instead of the beautiful art it should be.....

**drops the mic and exits stage left**