Got ETHICS?

I'm not even sure how this post will "evolve", so I'm just going to put my "thoughts" out there......

I've been in the wedding planning industry since 1993.  That's 18 years worth of blood, sweat and tears that have been devoted to discovering, learning and honing my "craft."  And yes - the road has been amazing as well as rough.  I came into the business at a time when wedding planners were just starting to "catch on" and the public could see what a real asset we are.  During these years, I've watched people come and go - almost revolving-door like in it's intensity, but that is the nature of the beast.  Someone told them that being a wedding planning was "super fun", "glamourous" and the best one of all - "you can get rich"!  Once they got on the job, they discovered real quick that while indeed, the industry is wonderful..the work of the planner is exceedingly HARD.

In observing the "revolving door" phenomenon, I've noticed that there are a lot of people, spinning through, who have absolutely not one iota of ethical behavior.  NONE.  These are the folks who will do anything to "get a sale" {including slitting your throat if they have to}, these are the folks for whom the term "my word is my bond" does not exist in their limited world view, these are the folks that play the "copycat" game to the hilt, because they have not once ounce of originality {which is KEY to being a success in this business} residing in their core, these are the people who just don't GET IT.

Perhaps you've met one of them in your travels...you know who they are when you meet them.  They talk a great game but regrettably, can't back it up.  They want to suck you dry like a vampire - inhaling all of the knowledge you have, so they can greedily transfuse it into themselves. They will do anything, say anything, become anything...just to get over.  That is so damn sad.  Really.

The wedding business is not a shell game where you can rapidly move the "nuts", thereby forcing your "mark" to guess where the prize is.  We are talking about an event, a milestone occasion that for many people, really does only occur once in their lifetimes.  Our job as purveyors and producers is to ensure that all is flawless and well executed, so that our client's memories are wonderful and everlasting.  Nobody has time for foolishness or for people who cannot be trusted as far as you can throw them.

So I'm saying {because it doesn't appear that any one else will!} - STOP THE MADNESS!  Be about your business..be honest in your dealing with others, stop trying to "con" people, cease the lying about what you've done {the truth will come out eventually}, stop name-dropping {because no one cares - only you do}, in short..commit to being the BEST you can be, within your scope.  Get some ETHICS, will ya?  Grow a backbone and be an ASSET to the industry...not a fungus that grows between it's toes.......

Why I Cost So MUCH - The Remix

I'm thoroughly pleased with the response and feedback I received on "Why I Cost So MUCH" - my goal in penning that post was to spark dialogue amongst my fellow industry professionals and to get people THINKING!!!

After chatting with a few folks online and by the good ole' telly..something else came to mind that made me realize I wasn't finished with this topic - not by a long shot!  So, "Why I Cost So MUCH" now has a "remix".  Truth be told - I love it when a song gets the "remix" by a hot shot producer who knows how to amp the music and lyrics up so all you wanna do is dance!  While I may not be a music producer - I do know how to "push buttons"..and my fingers are ready for this one!!

My last post kinda skimmed over the reasons why my fees and prices aren't $500 ( I shudder to think there are still people charging that amount for FULL SERVCE PLANNING, but I digress..), the "REMIX" is about the personal, hard facts:  I run a business and I have a family to support.  Bottom line.

I'm not in the wedding planning business because it's a fun "hobby" - au contraire..I am a business woman who is out here getting her proverbial hustle ON.  This is my "9 to 5"....this IS my livelihood.  And as such, I've based my fees on factors such as experience, skill, acumen, education and a little something called "profit"....you may have heard of this notion - it's why businesses are in business! 

I have expenses related to my business (that studio of mine has a rent payment due the 1st of each month), I have staffing costs, I have professional costs that come with being a part of this industry..and I also have Visa, a car note, health & life insurance, two kids, an ailing grandmother, a house and a family of cats to feed.  In short, I have a life....just like you.  And this life requires money in order to live it.  I'm not independently wealthy and I can't live off my ascerbic wit.  Maintaining requires dollars..which is why I work.

So..when I say that your fee for services will be $$$$, I'm not talking out of the side of my neck.  It's not an arbitrary number I just came up with...nope, I've told you what I know to be true.  I totally get that some people like to "negotiate", but whoever said that "everything is negotiable" was delusional.  It's not.  You have to pay for what you want.  Good people, excellent people, smart people, stellar people...we cost money.  For a reason.  We're good, excellent, smart & stellar...we are at the top of our game and we know how to get results.  Period.  Would you try to negotiate the fee with your surgeon if you needed work done?  Of course not...you are coming to him/her for their EXPERTISE, therefore - you pay.  So why is it any different  when it comes to paying your wedding professionals what they deserve?  Hmmmmm?????

To add in another flavor to the remix....please also know that when you don't pay me on time - my life still continues.  And the aforementioned Visa, car finance company and landlord still want their money  - from me.  When you bounce a check....the bank will charge me.  And I will charge you.  In effect, you've breached your contract...non payment means that I can walk away or put your event on the shelf until you ante up.  Depending on where you are in the process..that can be a dangerous situation.  Allow me to put it into simple, laymen's terms:  It's payday at your place of employment.  You get your check or advice of deposit, open it up...and there's nothing there.  Or....it's short a few hundred dollars.  What are you going to do?  Oh, I know EXACTLY what will happen - you're gonna march right on down to payroll and give them the "business" about YOUR money.  And you're going to ask your boss "What's up with this - where's my money?"  You know I'm right....you will be HEATED until this is resolved.  Guess what - that's how we feel as professionals when you don't pay us as agreed upon.  Take a moment to digest that.

And for my colleagues and peers in the industry....I'm not letting you off the hook.  You have a responsibility to be unwaveringly clear about your pricing and your policies.  It is what it is.  Stop devaluing your worth, your credibility and your ART by not pricing your services as they should be.  The word "NO' is not a four-letter one, it's not foul...it is the truth.  Learn how to say it more often and when needed.  Every client isn't for you and they are probably better suited for someone else. Let them GO...trust me, someone else will come along who understands and appreciate what you bring to the table without all of the truly unecessary drama and tribulation .   

This is a two-way street. The public needs to undestand that we're not some cheap date...while the industry has go to get a grip on solidifying and clearly enunciating who they are and what they cost.  Now that's a marriage made in heaven........

(See these two? These are my "babies" and my main impetus for being a success......they're also quite expensive, which is one of the reasons I don't work for free..)

I AM????????

This year - I have decided to go ahead and let my "real voice" speak to all of you.  If you've ever met me in person, you'll notice that I am very down-to-earth, I don't do fantasy, I call things the way I see them, I'm quick with a humorous quip and I'm always smiling.  That's my authentic self - "straight shot/no chaser"  so since the whole idea behind this blog was to allow me the opportunity to give my own "musings" on how I see things regarding the industry, I figure I might as well go full throttle.

With that being said, in 2011 you're going to see a lot more "commentary" - I believe that speaking your mind is the best way to encourage intelligent, potent dialogue with your peers and those around you.  Let me be the first to say that I LOVE WEDDINGS.  I love the magic that surrounds them and the fact that it is one of life's "milestone moments".  I love engaging with brides and grooms, carefully discovering what makes their love "tick", then taking that revelation and creating a celebration that wonderfully showcases it to the world around them.  On the other hand..it is what it is.  I refuse to sit here and write about how "fabulous" everything is when the reality is simple.  This stuff is hard work.  I don't care how much Dupioni silk you throw on it...in order to have a successful celebration, you gotta do the process and do it well.  That goes for the couple getting hitched AND the people "behind the scenes" who make it happen.

The title of today's post, "I AM??" harkens to my observation process, which is always in warp mode.  I make my living by watching life happen around me, so over the years - this particular question has always fascinated me as I look at those around me in the industry.  What I am about to say in the next few paragraphs is going to evoke a couple of different reactions from those who read it.  You're either: A) Gonna LOVE every syllable and say "PREACH"!  or  B) You are going to think I have lost my mind.  For me, it doesn't matter.  It's the truth - and on many, many occasions..hearing the facts as they really are can be stinging, to say the least.  I see it as an opportunity to absorb, learn and move forward towards being better....

I AM a creative person.  For me, being the wedding planner has been one of the BEST outlets to showcase how my mind works and the sheer wonder of watching my thoughts play out into action.  I think in terms of color, shape, light, shadow, logistics, numbers - in short, I meld the creative process with the hard reality of thinking to mold someone's vision into an EXPERIENCE.  Over the years, all of that creativity and rational thinking have led to other "talents" which I've been able to grow and define.  They are all symbiotic to my main role and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have discovered and  honed those skills.

Here's the "rub" - I really believe that as individuals, we are all destined to do a series of "things".  But there will be ONE trait, one talent, one skill, that will stand out and shine above the rest.  That "component" is our calling, it is the area where we will excel the most.  It will be the talent that appears to be effortless, we don't even have to think about how we do it...it just gets done.  Now, here's where I drop the shoe off of the other foot..wait for it...wait for it.....

YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.    I'll repeat that:  YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING.   In the wedding industry, the saying "jack of all trades, master of none" is so evident.   For some odd reason, people are thinking that they can take on a myriad of functions and do them all well.  Well, guess what?  You can't.  There - I said it.  Somebody had to.   Let's get real - you can't be the wedding planner/florist/caterer/limousine service/dj/stationer....all rolled into one being or entity.  All of those capacities require separate skill sets and their relevance needs to be taken into consideration.  There are only 24 hours in a day and most of us are struggling to get by on just those, so it's simply amazing to me when I see situations like these emerge. 

As the wedding planner, I really think that people somehow feel my job is easy.  It's NOT.  Trust me.  And because I make it seem "effortless", they think that it can be added on to whatever they already do (hence my multi-task description in the previous paragraph) and it will generate more money/business for them.  As Ed Lover would say, "C'mon SON!!"  Pardon my slip into the vernacular - but it ain't gonna happen. At some point, something is going to suffer - you can't do 50 million things well.  And with the "suffering" comes a reduction in standards, a loss of creativity and you're nothing more than a hamster on a wheel.  You're running...but going absolutely nowhere.

Want to be successful in this industry?  Know who you ARE.  Understand your strengths AND weaknesses, then make the most of them.  Can you bake like nobody's business?  Great - be a baker!!  Does your food make people just smile for days on end?  Catering is your thing!  When you spin those tunes or ripple your fingers across a keyboard, does it make people want to get up and dance?  You, my friend, are the entertainer.  Bottom line is this:  It's time for people to start being the best at what they are and STOP being greedy.  I know multiple streams of revenue are always key to staying in the black, but when you do too much, your "painting" will be a scribbled, jumbled mess instead of the beautiful art it should be.....

**drops the mic and exits stage left**

Coming To The Big Apple!!

For all of my New Yorkers, Jersey peeps and Connecticut colleagues - I'm coming your way on October 19-20th! I am so honored to be asked to deliver one of the keynote presentations at the Maximize Your Brand Wedding Symposium hosted by Dawn Easter Events and Something Blue NY.

Dawn & Karina have really pulled together a fab event - bringing industry powerhouses to New York for 2 days of intense education, information and networking. If you are in the area - and really want to delve into this business we call weddings...you need to be in the house! Details and registration are at the Maximize Your Brand website.

Looking forward to meeting all of you in NYC!!!